Empty as Russian Nesting Dolls Desperate as Annie Edson Taylor, tumbling over Niagara Falls Dreaming of August in the middle of June Wishing for the fall when everything's in bloom And I, I've been orbiting a black moon Not coming back any time soon I've been circling. Yeah, I've been spinning around Built a home in the lost and found I've been waiting Too torn apart to really say: “Are you okay?” … Yeah, I am fine And it feels like I've been phoning it in Swimming through the benzodiazepines And I couldn't outrun what I've always been Feels like I've been phoning this in Maybe I just need a fresh start Well if you crack my ribs, you could hold my heart I've been circling. Yeah, I've been spinning around Built a home in the lost and found I've been waiting Too torn apart to really say: “Are you okay?” … Oh, I am fine I feel out of body A copy of a copy I am changing, I am changed Torn apart and rearranged Maybe I look the same But I am changing, I am changed I am changing, I am changed I am changing, I am changed Torn apart. Rearranged Maybe I look the same But, I am changing, I am changed You ask if I'm okay Too torn apart to really say I am changing, I am changed Maybe I look the same Maybe I look the same Maybe I look the same Maybe I look the same

And towards the end, couldn’t catch my breath I'd catch myself looking backwards Back before the diagnosis Before we ran out of answers We'd stage our Sundays in defiance of Mondays Day drinking with all our friends Sometimes I'd sit and think about you Simply wearing a sun dress And there were blasts of belly laughs What I wouldn't give to have all that back Don't worry, Em, nothing truly goes missing, no one's ever gone When you die the bonfires keep burning They burn on both horizons like a never-ending dawn Don't worry, Em, our whole lives we got it all wrong: There’s no beginning or end When you die they put you on a white horse That you ride eternal out on the Navajo wind …. Don't worry, Em And there were blasts of belly laughs What I wouldn't give to have all that back Don't worry, Em, nothing truly goes missing, no one's ever gone When you die the bonfires keep burning They burn on both horizons like a never-ending dawn Don't worry, Em, our whole lives we got it all wrong: There’s no beginning or end When you die they put you on a white horse That you ride eternal out on the Navajo wind … Don't worry, Em You and I, we'll glide through this glittering world together, fully entwined You see, Em, we live on forever in the hearts of the ones we've left behind

You and I, we were once thick as thieves Blood brothers, direct descendants of Adam and Eve You and I, stumbling through those hot Texas nights Reckless and young, just spoiling for a fight You can be Steve McQueen And I'll be Frank Sinatra Mad men, iconic laughs Drinking tonic and vodkas ... yeah yeah You and I, we would wake up surrounded, by empties and fallen soldiers Can barely recall those younger years ... now that I'm older There was a time, when I loved you like my kin Learned my lesson the hard way: Pride and envy they're the worst of the seven sins You can be Steve McQueen And I'll be Frank Sinatra Mad men, iconic laughs Drinking tonic and vodkas I thought you'd be Steve McQueen And I'd be Frank Sinatra We were boys playing pretend Drinking our tonic and vodkas ... yeah yeah You can be Steve McQueen And I'll be Frank Sinatra Mad men, iconic laughs Drinking tonic and vodkas ... yeah yeah

And I’m not sure you were ever any good for me But I guess you’re what I needed at the time Like a stone throne across a surface I’d gone too far out on my own From the juniper desert to the lodgepole pines Been wandering around, trying to find Some kind of connection Some kind of truth, buried in sediment My trajectory receding And gravity pulls And always impedes me I’d gone too far out on my own My heart is closed for restoration From the juniper desert to the lodgepole pines Been wandering around, trying to find Some kind of meaning, some kind of connection Some kind of truth, buried in sediment Fossilized, captured in time And some say we find everything that we seek And if that’s true then I am the winter wind I’m the Amarillo sky My heart is closed for restoration Just give me some time Let the cosmonauts float from station to station And I’ll remain here gravity bound Watching their contrails slowly … disappear Disciplined, the traffic engineers study our daily patterns There was a fire in the canyon, now all the cavemen have lanterns Euclid provided mankind the golden ratio, now everything’s predictable Blood on our hands, we’ve murdered the mystical And if you can’t prove it, it doesn’t exist Yet in fits and starts, light fights its way to the jungle floor Vines growing in spite of the darkness CHLOROPHIL! AND THE GREEN EYES OF THE JAGUAR

Tried to take in the moment Watched the mountains and the sky Painted pink by the rising sun You said nothing's quite as fun as love once begun But it'll fade and - once it's done it's done There are parts of your body I find impossibly perfect The nape of your neck Or your arms outstretched Can't catch my breath ... I become transfixed Tried to take in the moment I was holding your hand You were thinking of letting me go Souvenirs and trinkets That's all we'll be left with I know you loved me once - a long time ago There are parts of your body I find impossibly perfect The nape of your neck Or your arms outstretched Can't catch my breath ... I become transfixed There are parts of your body I find impossibly perfect The nape of your neck Or your arms outstretched Can't catch my breath ... I become transfixed

I surround myself with the young. The impressionable. I'm a leper leaching off their youth and innocence And all the pharmacies have failed us Were we ghosted by God, when we nailed him up? I'm a weak little thing, all ego, no heart We all live little lives, little lies. Remain inside, stay small Hope to survive, pray to survive Doc says I'm clinically depressed Give and take till there's nothing left Seems I no longer exist I drift away in warm water and slit wrists I'm a weak little thing, all ego, no heart Lover lie to me (Honey there's meaning) Lover lie to me (Honey there's meaning) Lover lie to me (We're lucky to be breathing) Lover lie to me (I will lie) Lover lie to me (I will lie) Lover lie to me Lover lie

Doctors stuck me with needles in utero I developed trust issues and my therapist finds this apropos So I keep my guard up, I’ve always got a stone to throw Somehow I let you in and now I can’t let you go And you think you know me but I’m a charlatan I’m non-partisan - Feigning affectation I blend right in White in the winter and changing with the seasons I’m a ptarmigan I got a new therapist and a new mantra and it goes like: I can’t fix this. I can’t fix this. I can’t fix this. I can’t And they say time’s fun when you’re having flies Oh no it feels like I’m stumbling, and I forgot my lines And the truth is I’m happy to see you (you’re lying) These are tears of joy falling from my eyes (YOU’RE LYING) Sweet lucidity speak to me My thoughts are broken and filled with ellipsis Feels like I’m sinking and swimming with the fishes “Know thyself”, mumbles the solipsist I got a new therapist and a new mantra and it goes like: I can’t fix this. I can’t fix this. I can’t fix this. I can’t I feel free, I feel empty I’m a parade, I’m the confetti I … I’m kinda floating down I want a master to guide me I’m a student driver on killing spree I am howling out the moonroof like a banshee On a spirit quest I’m serpent at the base of a Judas tree Surrounded by a swarm of killer bees I’m a lawyer with his law degree I’m a skipper drinking liquor out on the Aegean sea Yeah, I’m a virgin unzipping his zipper And I – I am sugar sweet

Every now and then I remind myself Just to stay right here In the moment, fully present I’m trying not to disappear I’m gonna let the record state: I’m trying to keep my head on straight And I hereby done with sadness I burned it all up into ashes I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am breathing I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am finally feeling Things for the first time Every now and then I remind myself Just to stay right here In the moment, fully present I promise not to disappear I can hear my heartbeat beating Born again, I’ve started teething Childlike in wide-eyed wonder I let the water pull me under I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am finally feeling Things for the first time I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am breathing I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am finally feeling Things for the first time I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am breathing I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive and I am finally feeling Things for the first time … in a long time

Serpent tongues sliding through bone-bleached teeth Luciferous lies poisoning the air we breathe Narcotics laced with our mother’s milk So we root for ruin and verticillium wilt This is a landslide now, being swallowed whole Buried and buzzed Aluminum breath at the end of the world Men wearing masks, men wearing gloves Chorus It’s a web // It’s a trap // there’s a catch // They’re listening they can hear you It’s a web // It’s a trap // there’s a catch // Like birds on a wire-tapped I got restless legs – been kicking in my sleep I’m having dragon dreams – with spiders on my feet Dystopian men talk with tomahawk tongues They gotta walk their walk, gonna their drums Men with guns surround the feeder at dusk Camouflaged, concealed by the brush They’re coming with needles for knives There’s blood in the sand, stinging our eyes Chorus Outro I don’t care what you say, they’re watching our every move Drones in every window, patrolling the skies And the words they speak sound so sweet But don’t believe ‘em … they’re all liars

My name is Randall Francis Hobbs I was born in the 60s in the upper mid-west Barely old enough to recall the Kent State protests As a teen, I was awkward, I was shy Made decent grades, but went mostly unnoticed through junior high Moved out to California in the 80s Was hoping to get into the movies My acting career fizzled, but there were different moves to be made I was desperate. I was lonely. I was always the bridesmaid. I learned to get paid Randy Randy the Hammer Video star King of the 80s Randy the Hammer And yes, it's true, there were parties, there were angels, there was dust By any set of standards, it was a sordid scene of distrust I'm often asked if I have regrets And without doubt poor choices were made I realized your idiosyncrasies define you Your bad habits aren't really habits after all They’re just funhouse mirrors on a shrinking set of walls This isn't a phase, it's simply your life The older we get the more we reflect This is permanent. Randy Randy the Hammer Video star King of the 80s Randy the Hammer Randy the Hammer Randy the Hammer Randy the Hammer …

I stood listening to the silence. The kind that stands its ground. The landscapist's lament. Loose leaves a silent sound. White noise. Dead air. Suburban despair. A wasteland, appears. The Savior's cross is bare. So let the days be aimless. So let the seasons drift. Empty living east of Eden. Odds and evens ‘round our wrists. So let the days be aimless. So let the seasons drift. See the sun it also rises, and the iceberg's mostly missed. Flower girls laying down silver pedals. Solemn soldiers laid out in brass medals. We're trading tongues now like the Phoenicians. Bartering blind faith in the age of reason. SO THIS IS IT! Middle aged now and thinning. Whatever this is, well it sure isn't winning. I've added all of the appropriate buzz words. But darling I know that something's gone missing. It's gone MISSING!! We selected a circuitous path. The one with the most resistance. The empire we built was anything but instant. Our death was categorized as a suspicious omission. Leftovers and remainders, casualties of long division.

Spent a decade drinking at a thinking place I was keeping up with Lou, at a younger man’s pace Figured I’d bend never thought I’d break These choices I made, oh, they keep me awake Stalking the bars at closing time I was cold calling a hookup with desperate eyes Felt like the blind calling out to the blind Trying to find a connection And every day I’m running with knives And every night I’m baking poison pies Spent a decade drinking at this thinking place Now I can’t keep up, stumbling out of the gates I’m an educated man, man, I’ve got a master’s degree Did a semester abroad on the Aegean Sea But after the after party I always feel lost and vaguely sorry Everything rounded, sullied and slurred Everything outlined, abstracted and blurred And every day I’m running with knives And every night I’m baking poison pies

Figured by this age I'd have things figured out A recent review of my actions Magnified my doubts These days I feel windblown A silhouette, carved from stone A man most would consider Fully grown ... fully grown I'm more like an echo though A cheap toy, Hecho en Mexico A child's kaleidoscope Empty inside and gutted of hope Now we're bouncing off each other like competing out-of-offices replies Mirrors facing one another. Enemies under the guise of allies Let's bury the coffins, rewind the clocks Course correct, change my stripes and all the locks Straitjackets and parlor pursuits Treasure chests and pirate’s loot All my virgin beliefs got whittled down It's funny how hard truths get softened Piss and vinegar of my untamed youth I shot him dead and I don't think about him all that often I'm more like an echo though A cheap toy, Hecho en Mexico A child's kaleidoscope Empty inside and gutted of hope I’m more like an echo though Hecho en Mexico … …

I met K in a dark bar, on a dark night See I was in a dark place She was brilliant, she was bright Desperate for connection, or newfound affections Gossamer reflections, my lessons … I always forget them Broken ribs Torn apart But I got heart The lumens and soft light Deer in the headlights I’ll take what I want now I’ll learn what I’m made of A lonesome connection, digital and fragile We’re the saddest of animals Even our Gods are fallible There’s ice in the asphalt Expands and collapses Promises broken, ashes to ashes There’s ice in the asphalt Expands and collapses Promises broken, ashes to ashes Loving her is like catching a knife Loving me is like taking lives The sordid tales of husbands and wives The separation of Adam The splitting of atoms The chasm we’ve created Isolated … we’re phantoms