Standing eight count, but I ain't down yet Like Gillette, I never let 'em see me sweat I'm a distinguished liar, but I mostly conspire Even in my Sunday best ​But a cup of tea, on a rainy day Helps to keep those claws at bay I feel well rested, but I'm restless Careless and selfish How'd I let you go? ​She says I'm too hard on myself And nothing in life is pass or fail She says I'm too hard on myself The carpenter of my own jail She says I'm too hard on myself And nothing in life is pass or fail The door was always open Just give yourself some fucking grace ​... Indian Summer Wearing t-shirts in October Stumble through the Embarcadero sun And those narrow streets up on North Beach There were boats in the bay And people in the cafes, yeah ​I can see you now like a portrait Standing in the sun, looking gorgeous Those happy times make for somber memories This is a dream, let me lie lost in reverie ... ​I have a hard time letting shit go And I don't feel so well I have a hard time letting my shit go And I don't feel so well now, I don't feel so well these days She says I'm too hard on myself And nothing in life is pass or fail She says I'm too hard on myself The carpenter of my own jail She says I'm too hard on myself And nothing in life is pass or fail The door was always open Just give yourself some fucking grace ...

Geoffrey, I'm not sure I'll make it through another winter It's not that I don't love you. It's not that I'm a quitter Time has a way of making the years grow thinner It's a lovely little cycle, all that blooms must wither And so it is And soooo it is Every little light goes off in the distance And so it is And soooo it is Every little light goes off ​It was all such a senseless chase - the golden fleece Made peace with the broken hands on this old timeless gold timepiece Viens ma dormeuse, dans la berceuse I want to leave this world happy, no need to call the police ​Well, I'm a creature  I've got my comforts Kept my enemies close There was safety in numbers  They say what doesn't kill you, only makes you tougher  Well Geoffrey, I'm tough motherfucker ​Burning kinda bright tonight Burning kinda bright And so it is And soooo it is Every little light goes off in the distance And so it is And soooo it is Every little light goes off Burning kinda bright tonight Burning kinda bright

We were standing around just smoking Under the black-tie night sky Moonlit and talking shit Oblivious as Cassiopeia passed us by And the nighttime heat hung around Like an uninvited party guest You looked handsome, but exhausted I adjusted the boutonniere on your jacket breast Michael, you don't have wings And all your slings and arrows of misfortune Are distortions:  Of truth - and life - and love Our driver drove us back home from the wedding We held hands, but you seemed detached I was buzzed and in need of reassurance You were staring out the window, caught in the past And my thoughts drift like dust through the galaxy I'm on your side, even through tragedy Michael, what is it you’re chasing? Felicity is free, it’s yours for the taking Michael, you don't have wings! And all your slings and arrows of misfortune Are distortions:  Of truth - and life - and love Michael, you don't have wings! And all your slings and arrows of misfortune Are distortions:  Of truth - and life - and love

Most likely to succeed, 1996. Thumbing through my yearbook My friends back then were mostly dicks Been a lotta twists - been a lotta turns Bridges burned as the decades churned Zigging and zagging from our early 20’s Telling stories of former glories Hanging on stories, the same old stories How’d we become so goddamn boring? Na-na-na-na-na Nursing a beer, I ask you to doctor me up Feigning how feeble I was, too weak to lift my cup I once thought content was the dirtiest word in the book Now it’s all I seek, it’s the worm on my hook I need a new mantra, some kind of coda A master to guide me, my very own Yoda Some universal truth, the advice you bestow The odds of me taking, are woefully low I’m trying to be more selfless and carefree Nothing revolves ‘round me I’m trying to be more selfless and carefree I’m nobody Na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na I’m nobody

At an early age I went through a Poe phase Friends & family still call me Ulalume, but you can call me June These days I'm a bit of a nervous wreck I got a tongue for biting & hands for writing some bad, bad checks ​Pop some pills; chase the sun; run, run, run  Until the whole web has been spun, spun, spun  Steady weaved my way through and endless run of days Spent most of my childhood chasing the best ways to receive praise ​I could use a place to crash, but I'd settle for some cash Burned so many bridges I erased the past ​Spent a decade or two floating through 
Albuquerque, Sacramento, Lake Havasu Men coming & going, gravitating & flowing Like cattle to the Karasu Still baby-faced but these grays betray a somber senescence  Aging isn't the waiving of a white flag, it's an acquiescence My late Pa, rest his soul,  Where he lies I'll never know  He had a simple mantra An American take on that 'ol Buddhist tantra: ‘Here for a good time, not a long time The sun is yours. But the moon is mine’ ‘Here for a good time, not a long time The sun is yours. But the moon is mine’ Hear the angels sing *The skies they were ashen and sober The leaves they were crisped and seared It was night in the lonesome October Of my most immemorial year* *Adapted from the poem, Ulalume, by Edgar Allen Poe

How’d I end up in this liminal state? It’s a heavy, a hollow, weightless place 49 days and then what? 49 days and then what? If Hesperus is Phosphorus What does that mean for the rest of us? Whoa, I’m sick of channel-surfing through these memories I need to let it be The sun’s either rising or falling Morning into evening, always repeating It’s all just a matter of timing Living is dying. Son don’t you know? Am I standing at the threshold, but can’t let go? See the past in tiny flashes: - The cedar elms at dawn - Her still-in-bed sleepy yawn - A child in my arms Venus, can you ground me? I feel untethered Weightless as weather, like January snow I’m having trouble letting go The sun’s either rising or falling Morning into evening, always repeating It’s all just a matter of timing Living is dying. Son don’t you know? I’m holding on, holding on, holding on …

Whatever you’re chasing Just let it go There’s rarely resolution So let it go ​You left me with no coda Silent as the Sioux Suffering through the Dakotas Thought I knew ya But no one could ever know ya And you always said that you can’t con a conman Your delivery it was always so Goddamn deadpan Well Goddamn Whatever you’re chasing Just let it go There’s rarely resolution So let it go ​I’ll never understand the ending There’s too many fences in need of mending And you had a tattoo that said “Welcome” 
Over your left breast You were an open door, a disheveled guest So this is it: no closing remark or passage No uttered adage … just empty space ​Is it black or white? Is it fight or flight? The cougar, the coyote at night Is it black or white? Is it fight or flight? The cougar, the coyote at night All those army men, in the trenches thin Talking slowly and smoking back when All those army men, in the trenches thin Talking slowly and smoking back when

It’s not just that I miss you Now it feels like something’s missing And there’s no amount of wishing That could fix things The only thing left, left to fix is me Goddamn ​I’m not sure I believe in ghosts Since you’ve been gone, I talk to you the most Not sure I believe in ghosts But now that you’re gone, I talk to you the most And when I think of you, it’s always back when you were younger Wild eyed and fully alive, and unencumbered And now that I believe in ghosts, I talk to you the most And now that you’re gone … everything is post (Swept away) Heavenly Father (Down, down) You feel close, even though you’re farther (Flash flood) I’m the shore and you’re the water, you’re the water (Swept away) Heavenly Father (Down, down) You feel close, even though you’re farther (Flash flood) I’m the shore and you’re the water, you’re the water I’m at a loss Flash flood and you were swept away I’m at a loss Losing you was a swift decay I’m at a loss And it’s been low, low tide I’m at a loss since they took you away Not sure I believe in ghosts

Beer and a buddy. Hot peppers in his bloody James took his medicine at the bar 
His favorite hair of the dog
 Was good old holiday eggnog And day after day, months into years
 Oh man, I must've seen him drink 7 thousand beers And he used to joke about his sweat 
Tasting like Coors Light
 And each night would cue
 The dimming of the house lights
 That's when he’d stand up and deliver 
Heartfelt monologues to anyone who'd listen 
‘Til the night tilted & the barlights began to glisten What are you running from, James? Lacing the blood in your veins 
Morning or evening, the pain's the same Lie to the mirror, your truth remains Daylight savings and James is falling backwards An extra hour of navigating the hazards
 A penny saved is an hour earned
 His dwindling circle of friends, They're rightfully concerned 
He'd begin most toasts with a wink And then a ceremonial clink He'd clear his throat and declare: 
"Better the devil you know"
 And maybe it was all for show
 But even so, the damage was real
 The last time I saw him he was crying at the funeral Awww, he had a heart of gold Even broken he was beautiful What are you running from, James? Lacing the blood in your veins
 Morning or evening, the pain's the same Lie to the mirror, your truth remains Dancing in the dark with 
Dancing in the dark with the devil you know The devil you know Before he was hollowed
 By those blotto blackouts 
Before the decades got swallowed Before the bailouts and washouts The nights James recalled feeling most alive He was dancing in crowded clubs 
Under the pulsing sound of
 Disco systems in the dark Turned up to 11 It felt like heaven

​​​​First time, long time
 Big fan of the show 
I just called to let you know That I'm letting go Before I leave,
 Could you validate this ticket? 
A stamp to prove that I was here And left a tiny mark Knocked down Tenth round 
I’m sparring myself Eight count Watch out 
I’m scarring myself Lorem ipsum Playing possum Devoid of meaning Misbegotten First time, long time 
Big fan of the show 
I just called to let you know That I'm letting go Imposter syndrome 
Everywhere I ever go 
If I could prove myself 
I'd improve myself 
I’ve always been my greatest foe Knocked down Tenth round 
Eight count Watch out Lorem ipsum Playing possum Devoid of meaning Misbegotten Lorem ipsum Playing possum Devoid of meaning I feel forgotten

Yeah, I'd been going through a rough patch 
But on the final day of the year Under the Sangre de Cristos  The air was crisp and clear Those whitecaps were majestic 
I was walking on tiptoes A clarity came over me I was open and exposed Everything was bigger than me And taller than I'd ever be As far as my eyes could see I felt invisible, floating on the breeze I know this feeling will eventually pass Always terrible with my first drafts But in the moment I felt sun splashed Tiny in a world so vast I am so paper thin That a strong gust of wind might send me Spinning and skimming And eventually I'll sink within It'll end me But not today Oh, not today Oh, not today This is not the day That'll end me I'm at ease! And the captain, It is not something that I have to be And if I’m lost at sea
 Well then that's alright Even if we lose the light And for once in my life I'm at ease